Hello, boys and girls, it’s me again! Miss Brianne Sloan of St. Augustine, Florida! GREETINGS FROM THE SUNSHINE STATE . . . that is, if we can still call it that. Writing this missive is beyond difficult because I know I have a reputation as a little bit of a jokester; setting up a GoFundMe account when I wanted a million dollars for no real reason? THAT I could do. Writing a wild and crazy, super formal letter to Oprah Winfrey, begging for a million dollars for *no real reason*? Oh, THAT was easy as pie. But being a “hurricane victim”? Meekly writing a heartfelt plea to all my friends, relatives and neighbors? Asking for actual *help* when my house and most of my belongings were destroyed by a lousy, stinking whirlwind? A twister, a raging tempest! A fierce tropical monsoon!

Wow. That’s heavy, doc.

First of all, *I* am safe; thankfully *I* am safe, my weiner is safe, my computer, phone and the majority of my electronic devices are all protected and out of harm’s way, but alas! My home sweet home? My cute little Lincolnville cottage? It’s bad, it’s so bad. For all my staying positive and chirpy and “trusting in the Universe” throughout Hurricane Matthew, the Universe sure did smite me! I came home to a collapsed bedroom ceiling and 26 inches of water damage! Oh, golly! Quell beast! They sure don’t call it a “hurricane” for nothing! The sheer totality of the situation is still overwhelming!

Luckily the water came in and out so quickly that most of my wooden furniture escaped unscathed; in fact, some of it even “floated” into other rooms, which was actually sort of interesting. For instance, my bed is salvageable . . . but not my mattresses! My kitchen table and my San Sebastian Winery Barrel will go on (thank God!!!), but ALL my living room furniture is gone, most of my clothes are annihilated and DUDE! I lost ALL of my shoes!!!

(except for one pair of bright Pink Converse Sneakers, if you can believe it!)

From the looks of the things at the ends of my neighbors’ driveways, I am no worse off than anybody else in my neighborhood, except that my house must be totally rebuilt! It needs a new roof, new floors, new walls, you name it! Unfortunately it will be uninhabitable for a few months at least, then the big kicker? I never could get renter’s insurance because I was what companies called: “An extreme flood risk.”

Oh, thanks, Progressive! Touche.

As for my sparse remaining possessions, I have secured a storage unit (which I am NOT allowed to live in! Believe me, I asked!) and I will stay with my ma while my house is being rebuilt, but then what? Everything is gone, I am left with no savings and almost *nothing* to start over with; I live on a [meager, meager, very meager] fixed income with no way of earning more at the moment, so here I am . . . crowdfunding! I know I am supposed to add a lot of “I wouldn’t normally do this” and “I feel terrible for asking” garbage, but EVERYBODY types that meaningless tripe and let’s face facts; I simply can’t think of anything else to do.

I am NOT asking for a million dollars, not even close.  I just need enough to help my little dachshund and I rebuild our lives, get started again. I have no idea the overall value of everything I lost, but let’s toss out a low ballpark figure of about two grand? Ish?  Or less, or far less or whatever help anyone could throw forward! Anything at all would be much appreciated and of course, any unused funds will be used to help other hurricane victims find relief!!!


Hugs and Kisses!!!


(and Hubbell!)

XoXoXo! <3

P.S. No matter what, do not *EVER* buy white furniture. Never. Not for any reason, just trust me.

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