May 042012

SPINSTERS ‘R US?

  Last summer, during my period of *actual dating*, I hadn’t been looking for the love of my life or anything! I’d known better than to expect fireworks or shooting stars, I was simply trying…Continue Reading

Apr 302012

OW ABOUT *YOUR* MID LIFE CRISIS!

  Recently I wrote this: “I’m sorry if this sounds cruel, but if you were born in nineteen-fifty-ANYTHING, you are too old for me. That’s just the way it is.” I only know this because…Continue Reading

Apr 282012

Suicides and Spinsters?

  A Victorian magazine advised late nineteenth century women: “Marry for a home! Marry to escape the ridicule of being called an old maid? How dare you pervert the most sacred institution of the Almighty!?…Continue Reading

Apr 192012

HAPPY MID LIFE CRISIS TO YOU!

  As of May 7th, I will have been alive 14,716,800 minutes. I know this because I’ll have been alive 10,220 days and there’s 1440 minutes in each day. Voila! 14,716,800 minutes! I only know…Continue Reading

Apr 102012

Master Danger WHAT!?!

  My stupid “Master Whatever-His-Mom- Calls-Him” story? I thought it was starting out fantastically. I anonymized everyone expertly- from “St. Septemberstine” to “Bermuda Shortie’s” to “LilyPad the Great Sheepdog”, I thought I did wonderfully well!…Continue Reading