Feb 282011


Bad Dates

Posted on February 28, 2011 by Bri

After months and months of enduring the absolute WORST dates you could ever possibly imagine, I decided to take an extended break from the dating scene to try and figure out what I really wanted. Trust me~ when I say they were bad dates, I mean they were BAD Dates. Some friends set me up with a midget last fall . . . I went out with a much older man and found him exchanging numbers with a fourteen year old in a movie theater parking lot . . . then there was that “organ donor” who tried to talk me into selling a kidney on the black market. As you can see, I desperately needed that break from dating~ I was exhausted!

So instead of going out with lunatics and wanted criminals on weekends, I spent numerous Friday nights at home with my collie, watching reruns of Perfect Strangers and thinking about what I wanted. I did NOT log into any dating sites, I did NOT read any books by Dr. Phil and I did NOT watch Oprah!!! What I figured out is that I have no idea what I want~ at this point in my life, I could go any number of ways. Right NOW all I really want to do is run off to some desert island somewhere and be single forever, write poetry and publish books on bad dates, but who knows? That could change if I met the right person . . . it’d be easier to want the American Dream if I were dating a man who didn’t get fired for having porn on his work computer.

People tell me my expectations are “too high” and maybe they are, but isn’t that better than my expectations being too low? Don’t think you’ll impress me with your car and your high-tech gadgets, put the iPAQ away and stop talking to your voice-activated GPS~ it’s annoying. I don’t care how much money you make, I can comfortably take care of myself, but I need to know you can take care of yourself too. I like guys who have enough guts to go after what they really want in life, so if you live in your car and you work at a Taco Cabana, please don’t waste my time.

P.S. *JUST A WARNING!*~ I will personally castrate the next guy who cheats on me.

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