Feb 232012


Let me tell you about what happened to ME at Carmelo’s Marketplace: I bought a 42 ounce coke and then refilled it about two hours later. Apparently there was a shift changeat some point, but I went on my merry way, not even thinking about it. Next thing I know, there’s this humongous chick following me outside. She’s quite large with no definite shape and she reminds me of a manager I once had at Burger King. She corners me in the parking lot like she’s with the freaking FBI and she says to me, “Excuse me? Pay for that drink or I’m calling the police.”

HUH? I calmly explained that it was a refill from before and not even realizing I’d done anything wrong, I walk away. Pretty soon, the stupid, stupid woman is right up behind me, breathing down my neck and waving a cell phone in my face, yelling, “We do not give refills. Go inside and pour that drink out immediately!” Like I was a kindergartener.

“Sure ya’ do,” I said. “I buy a drink here every day.”

Still not taking it seriously, I continued on my way, but a few houses from my own, I realize the enormous mountain of a bitch has actually followed me . . . to my home . . . over a dollar twenty two, which I had already paid. She’s still waving a cell phone in my face, threatening to call the police and demanding I actually walk all the way back to the gas station and pour the drink out. Like I was five.

So I chucked it at her head. There’s your dollar twenty two.

There is no moral to this story. I’ll not be boycotting Carmelo’s, as it would be terribly inconvenient to stop going there, but I just wanted to raise awareness. There are a lot of miserable, unattractive people out there who strive to make the lives of others hell for no real reason at all. All that’s going on in the world right now (FAMINE! PESTILENCE! WHITNEY HOUSTON! SEX IN THE MOVIES! SEX ON THE DISNEY CHANNEL! ) and this bitch is worried about whether or not I paid a dollar twenty two for forty two ounces of Mountain Dew? This is NOT someone who is seeing the big picture.

Like I said, in the end, I chucked 42 ounces of Mountain Dew at her head, but that’s not the disturbing part! What’s disturbing is that standing there, covered in Mountain Dew, the woman actually SMILED at me! She freaking SMILED, delighting in the fact that I’d done what she wanted!

“Thank you, ma’am,” she said, grinning eerily before turning and walking back to Carmelo’s.

Ladies and gentlemen, we live in a sick, sick world.

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