Tag Archives: bad dates

FOR EVERY GIRL WHO EVER ASKED: “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret . . .”

Now more than twenty years later, I am still thankful to the woman who first told me all boys are lying, sex obsessed, binocular holding, window peeping perverts who peed their pants all day!

THANK YOU, JUDY BLUME!
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Womanizers Anonymous!

! Gene Simmons was quoted as saying: “I will tell a girl I want her and desire her, but I’ll tell her straight, ‘I want your sister and your mommy as well’.”

Though he’s nuts if he thinks he needs to tell ME!
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FAIRYTALE THEATRE- Hasn’t the Damsel Had ENOUGH?

As the years passed, I fell into despair and lost all hope! Let’s face it-

I’m NEVER going to learn to love a beast. Continue reading

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THE NEVERENDING SAGA OF DATES FOUR, FIVE AND SIX: GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES . . . So Don’t Borrow their Jackets!

Suddenly he thinks he owns me- and he wants to know alllll about my hobbies and my likes and my dislikes . . . and my favorite flower . . . and my sign . . . and where I was born and what my lousy childhood like and all that David Copperfield kind of crap.

But I didn’t feel like going into it. If you want to know the truth.
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The Year of a Hundred Dates!

November 16th. 365 days. 100 dates.

It will be done. Continue reading

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NOW ABOUT *YOUR* MID LIFE CRISIS . . .

The first point most older men make when they’re “proving” they can “keep up with” me is that they can drink me under the table. Dude. My GRANDMA can drink me under the table. Continue reading

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MASTER DANGER AND THE JACUZZI OF DOOM: *HALF* OF CHAPTER TWO

I woke up the following morning in puzzled daze, with a pounding headache, a dry mouth and a mysterious, thunderous feeling of discomfort one can only describe as a hangover. The beer from the night before was still haunting me, … Continue reading

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SLOAN ALONE!: A CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE STORY! (by CHRIS SHEAFF . . . Brianne Sloan’s favorite Canadian!)

She went to her closet and opened the door, revealing eight leopard print dresses. “There is only one solution to time’s relentless procession: I will seize the day! I will conquer love, and tonight!”

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DOOM IS THE FUTURE!: A Commercial . . .

It’s actually liberating! You no longer have to live your lives in fear of messing up because guess what? You’re ultimately DOOMED anyway. . . and nothing is worse than DOOM!
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Boys, Look at What You’ve Done to Me!

You ruined a writer all because you just had to talk about your stupid ex or you didn’t feel like paying for dinner or because you showed up to a date with a goddamn tracking device! Continue reading

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