Jun 162011

I was reading this book about a religious farm cult and a Homeless English Professor/ Doctor Guy and I was totally sucked in! Despite being a favored family of the “Elect”  who is repeatedly molested by the sociopathic “prophet” leader, our semi-jaded heroine slowly comes to trust this grimy homeless stranger who shows up at her door! She gives him a job and a place to stay (I suspect she fell for the cute British accent and you KNOW how I feel about homeless looking guys!)! Their love is starting to grow and I was totally sucked in! But that’s when I started coming across emails in the text! The main characters were using the internet to learn how to care for the abandoned baby that was left on the doorstep?

No. Just no.

I struggle now to finish the book; the magic was lost as soon as I came across the word “hotmail.” And THIS is from an internet/ Facebook addict, a freaking dating blogger! Hell, I’m blogging right now, but I feel very strongly about this! I’m sorry, but the internet does not belong in literature, I don’t want characters to have cell phones. Get those things out of my reading material at once, technology makes everything too easy.

“Oh, look, I’ve got a problem . . . I’ll just Google it!”

????

No. None of the greats could access the internet, they dealt with their problems the normal way! Little Francie Nolan never Googled how to save Daddy from his alcoholism!  Holden Caulfield was wouldn’t have tried to meet up with that hooker had he had access to internet porn! If he could have cybered with a few web cam girls, the story would not exist! Do you think the Dollanganger children would have spent more than a week in the attic atFoxworth Hall had they been able to sneak downstairs and post the following Facebook update?: “Help! Grandmother has decided we’re Satan’s Spawn she’s locked us in the attic! Please go to the police! Send a smoke signal! Something!”

No. The story wouldn’t have happened. Romeo and Juliet wouldn’t have been so star crossed if they could have sat around all day, texting and poking each other. I know folks who have carried on relationships for years this way, surely Romeo could have just waited til he turned eighteen to change his Facebook status! Come on! If Mr. Darcy had been emailing Elizabeth Bennet, trying to woo her on Plentyoffish, would ya’ really have kept reading? Of course not. Dating sites make for good blogging material, not great literature. In our favorite books, couples battle great demons to be together, cross deserts and oceans, deal with wars and plagues and famine! Heathcliff did not shoot Catherine a Match.com email that read, “u wanna get 2getha 4 a cup a coffee sumtime?”

Also please note that when Forrest Gump was wounded in the buttocks, he didn’t whip out a smart phone and look up how to care for it on e-How.

Thank you. That’s all I have to say about that.


Reader Comments

  1. June 16, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    If Romeo and Juliet spent all day sexting and poking … the only possible peripetia is to realize that they did not have unlimited texting plans and one afternoon delight cost them their college funds!

  2. April 9, 2012 at 6:10 am

    I like love that is real and shows a story .Not like Twilight where its just love at first sight or in Bella’s view .’He hates me! He hates me!’ a week later. He loves me! He loves me’I can’t stand that. I like Romeo and Juliet too. Even through they just met they seem to care about each other :0^♥^

  3. August 28, 2011 at 1:29 am (Edit)

    Hamlet tweeting “OMG! #Ophelia is such a hoe! J/K I <3 U sista!!! Holla grrrrrl! lol" Marlow navigating out of the Heart of Darkness using GPS. Or Gregor Samsa taking Haldol and realizing he's not actually a giant insect. And so on.

    1. The greats got along fine without technology! TOM SAWYER didn’t play video games or get detention because he was texting quiz answers to his classmates! No, siree, Bob!
      If this is the future, I’ll just hang around in the past, kicking it with Virginia Woolf and the Bronte Sisters! I’ll be fine.
      Signed,
      A Dating Blogger

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