Tag Archives: worst dates

This One’s For YOU, Mrs. Robinson!

Looky here! The young, corruptible son of the old battle ax’s law partner is back from school! A young Dustin Hoffman? Oh, who could resist? Those eyes! Those dimples! That scuba suit! That sexy, shaggy nineteen sixties haircut!
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MADAM BLOWSTERMAN AND MISS MUGSHOT: Long! Live! The NEWLYWEDS!

His beloved MOMMY planned every decor detail (from the folding chairs to the bride’s stripper heels!), though I was mostly pleased to see he got fat. Continue reading

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TO MANDY! IN BIG GIRL JAIL!

MANDY WILLIAMSON, I AM WARNING YOU! If Richard Ramirez really IS Satan and he escapes from jail/ astral projects into my bedroom/ puts a curse on me or any of the above, let it be on *your* head! Continue reading

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Gentlemen May Prefer Blondes . . . But Blondes Prefer Gentlemen!

I know I’m cursed and I don’t mind playing the damsel in distress every now and then, but COME ONNNNN! I have been going on bad dates religiously since I was 22 and in all that time, I have never seen anything like this. Continue reading

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FOR THE LADIES: The NUMBER ONE Complaint Men Have on Dating Sites!

FACT: A woman can be *persuaded* into falling for a man she does not find attractive.

FACT: A man, not so much.
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THE NEVERENDING SAGA OF DATES FOUR, FIVE AND SIX: GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES . . . So Don’t Borrow their Jackets!

Suddenly he thinks he owns me- and he wants to know alllll about my hobbies and my likes and my dislikes . . . and my favorite flower . . . and my sign . . . and where I was born and what my lousy childhood like and all that David Copperfield kind of crap.

But I didn’t feel like going into it. If you want to know the truth.
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Date One of One Hundred: NACHOS MEAN NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU’RE SORRY!

“My date’s hungry. Could you bring her some saltines or something? Maybe some cocktail olives?” He slid another drink to me.

Well. Smack my ass and call me Sally! Beyond humiliating. Continue reading

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*RANDOM BLOGGING*: Dating Through the Holidays!

“He wanted to know I was a “giver” before he wasted money on dinner . . . ” Continue reading

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MASTER DANGER AND THE JACUZZI OF DOOM!: CHAPTER ONE . . .

I shuddered as he grabbed my hand and I looked into the shadows to see if anyone was around to witness me holding hands with this disheveled vampire. I was already known for my wickedly atrocious taste in men, but if people saw me with THIS guy, my reputation would be forever tarnished. Continue reading

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Boys, Look at What You’ve Done to Me!

You ruined a writer all because you just had to talk about your stupid ex or you didn’t feel like paying for dinner or because you showed up to a date with a goddamn tracking device! Continue reading

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