Tag Archives: bad date

This One’s For YOU, Mrs. Robinson!

Looky here! The young, corruptible son of the old battle ax’s law partner is back from school! A young Dustin Hoffman? Oh, who could resist? Those eyes! Those dimples! That scuba suit! That sexy, shaggy nineteen sixties haircut!
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Win A Date With MATT SMITH!!!

“Excuse me?” I asked, stunned and unable to remember another time when a guy had actually used the C-word in my presence. There are certain words you just don’t use around a lady and that’s kind of the king of all of them. Continue reading

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MADAM BLOWSTERMAN AND MISS MUGSHOT: Long! Live! The NEWLYWEDS!

His beloved MOMMY planned every decor detail (from the folding chairs to the bride’s stripper heels!), though I was mostly pleased to see he got fat. Continue reading

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Fifty Shades of WHATEVER!

. Snowqueen’s Icedragon wrote FanFiction, she wasn’t exactly trying to be Jane Austen . . . yet somehow she’s become one of TIME Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People In the World? You almost have to applaud the bitch!
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Death to the ORIGINAL Bed Intruder!: GOODBYE, RICHARD RAMIREZ! (part one)

I guess health care isn’t exactly a big *priority* for death row inmates in California, especially those who’ve lived for 23 years after receiving NINETEEN death sentences! But sheesh.

He was only 53! Continue reading

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BILL CHURCH AND HIS DONKEY HUMILIATION KIT!: A Love Story!

I forget how he discovered her sex den, but it was a room full of ancient torture devices and a donkey humiliation kit in the walk in closet of her baby’s nursery- some women like lacey lingerie, others prefer a black latex catsuit and a donkey mask Continue reading

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MOTHER BRI RETIRES HER BLOG!

I write about bad dates, I get *more* bad dates. I started writing serial killers instead because I’d rather write and phone and get to be LIFELONG PALS with serial killer RICHARD RAMIREZ . . . than go on another date. With you. Continue reading

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Womanizers Anonymous!

! Gene Simmons was quoted as saying: “I will tell a girl I want her and desire her, but I’ll tell her straight, ‘I want your sister and your mommy as well’.”

Though he’s nuts if he thinks he needs to tell ME!
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Why BAMBI Supports Gay Marriage!

My point is that a man can get it on with a dead deer in a ditch all day and it is completely legal . . . but god forbid he wants to marry another dude?

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IF YOU DON’T GET SUCKED UP INTO SPACE . . . (part two!)

It was a text from Mr. Wonderful: “U DID NOT GET SCKED UP INTO SPCE, I KNO U DIN’T GET SUCKED UP INTO SPCE! U WOULD NOT GET CELL CEPTION IN THA SPACE!”

Wow. He told me. Continue reading

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