Tag Archives: dating

MADAM BLOWSTERMAN: My Ex Pity Puppy!

I didn’t think it’d be so bad having a “boyfriend” who LEFT every time his mommy told him too! Who gave MY mommy gas money to go get me because HE didn’t feel like putting the miles on his stupid Acura!
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HOW I SCRAPED MY KNEE! NINJA STYLE!

Any girl in little black shorts at night will get a lot of unwanted attention- it’s always from the dirtiest, most low class losers too! You can’t even take it as a *compliment* really because they don’t care what the rest of you looks like, all they see is a chick in shorts! Continue reading

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HOW DID I SCRAPE THAT KNEE AGAIN?

I have been sort of hibernating lately, mostly to care for my sick collie, but it’s a little bit of not wanting to deal with men . . . or boys . . . or losers, or scumbags or morons or plain old inappropriate jerks.

[insert whatever synonym for "man" you like, it's all the same to me]
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The Future of Romance: DEATH BY INTERNET!

*A NOTE TO THE BOYS*- You are not special. I don’t care how “handsome” your mommy told you you were, nor do I care how much money you inherited from daddy. Nor do I care if you’re Johnny Depp and a million groupie whores want you to poop in their mouths! To ME you are nothing.

Until you prove otherwise.
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JOHNNY DEPP: He Loves Me! He Loves Me Not!

She said she would do “ANYTHING” for “ONE NIGHT” with Johnny Depp! Since I can’t think of a man in the world I would do “ANYTHING” for, I was curious to know her limits . . . Continue reading

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I’LL NEVER WRITE AGAIN! BECAUSE OF RICHARD RAMIREZ!

Lily’s death was *kind of* like another Night Stalker crime.
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MOTHER BRI RETIRES HER BLOG!

I write about bad dates, I get *more* bad dates. I started writing serial killers instead because I’d rather write and phone and get to be LIFELONG PALS with serial killer RICHARD RAMIREZ . . . than go on another date. With you. Continue reading

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Womanizers Anonymous!

! Gene Simmons was quoted as saying: “I will tell a girl I want her and desire her, but I’ll tell her straight, ‘I want your sister and your mommy as well’.”

Though he’s nuts if he thinks he needs to tell ME!
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IF YOU DON’T GET SUCKED UP INTO SPACE . . . (part one!)

“Yes, but do you know how much can happen in a week? I could have gotten married! I could have gotten sucked up into space!”

“You could not have gotten sucked up into space,” she told me.

“Yes I could!” I cried. “I totally could just be walking down the street one day, doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy doo when BAM! A UFO! INCOMING! Beams me up!” Continue reading

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PAGING HUGH HEFNER!: How Do We Get this Letter to Him?

You’ll be pleased to know I do not want to be a Playmate. I will admit I did write you once asking you to put me in your magazine because I thought it might help me exact revenge on an ex . . . Continue reading

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