YOOOOO HOOOO! Caitlynnnnn!!! GIRLFRIEND! I am so excited to finally be writing you, you gorgeous thing! For years I have watched you! Looked up to you! Believed in you in every way! To me,…Continue Reading
Aug 302017
Tag: brianne sloan
Aug 252017
Buongiorno, Fabio! I’m Brianne. Oh, Fabio! Fabio! Fabio! I am frightened to even write this, I must admit! What could I possibly say to make myself stand out from the hoards of chambermaids and healthy…Continue Reading
Aug 222017
Hi out there, Steve Burns! It’s me, Bri! MAIL TIME! MAIL TIME! MAAAAAAAAIIIIIL TIIIIIIIIIIIME! If you want to dance and bop around and wag your tail and all that, you may well get it…Continue Reading
Aug 102017
Aloha, Ellen! Ellen! Oh, Ellen! Usually when I write people I don’t know, I like to keep it formal: I use “Mr.”/ “Ms.”/ ”Mrs.” as much as I possibly can, just to stay on…Continue Reading
Aug 032017
Hello, Jeffrey Seaman! Rooms to Go. Rooms to Go. Rooms to Go. Ahhhhh, Rooms to Go! It’s your baby, Mr. Seaman and what a baby it is! Brightly colored signs and beautiful showrooms! Well…Continue Reading
Jul 262017
My Darling Barry Manilow~ I love you! You may not believe this, but I have been a closet Fanilow since early high school! Even in the face of the late nineties and the Can’t…Continue Reading
Jul 092017
July 8th, 2017 Dear Mr. Richard Fairbank, CEO of Capital One Bank: Hello. My name is Brianne Sloan, I am a writer and you don’t know me . . . but you sued me.…Continue Reading
Jun 262017
It’s summer again, boys and girls! My favorite time of the whole year! To most people, summer means beaches and bikinis, burgers and barbecues! Flowers and fruity umbrella drinks, extra long days and super…Continue Reading
Nov 022016
Dear Fellow Cubs Fans: Once you are a Cubs fan, you are a Cubs fan for life. Once you have worn the colors, once you have been to Wrigley, once you’ve smelled the ivy…Continue Reading
Dec 192015
In my own personal transition into adulthood, I have seen many trends and fads in America that I have struggled to understand: Cargo pants! Sagging pants! Chain wallets! TOMMY jackets! TOMMY everything! Menudo! The Spice…Continue Reading