Tag Archives: BRIANNE SLOAN

I’m a FANILOW, Not A MANILOW!

Now Barry Manilow, I am warning you! I have listened to your music for years and I have trusted you faithfully, but I’ve gambled everything because of you and I have followed you down this blind alley like a trusting puppy! It’s been several months now, there are no book deals yet and I have not seen a dime. Not one measly dime. I haven’t even sold a comma.
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This One’s For YOU, Mrs. Robinson!

Looky here! The young, corruptible son of the old battle ax’s law partner is back from school! A young Dustin Hoffman? Oh, who could resist? Those eyes! Those dimples! That scuba suit! That sexy, shaggy nineteen sixties haircut!
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PATTY COLUMBO!: My New Favorite Serial Killer!

In twenty nine years of America’s Most Wanted and murder documentaries on the Discovery Channel, you were never mentioned to me! Not once! All those sleepless nights I spent Googling the Unibomber and John Wayne Gacy? Anthony Larette?! In all those years, my MOTHER never saw fit to mention PATTY COLUMBO to me! The “serial killer” she went to high school with! The one who slaughtered her entire family just a few blocks from our house! Continue reading

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Win A Date With MATT SMITH!!!

“Excuse me?” I asked, stunned and unable to remember another time when a guy had actually used the C-word in my presence. There are certain words you just don’t use around a lady and that’s kind of the king of all of them. Continue reading

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MADAM BLOWSTERMAN AND MISS MUGSHOT: Long! Live! The NEWLYWEDS!

His beloved MOMMY planned every decor detail (from the folding chairs to the bride’s stripper heels!), though I was mostly pleased to see he got fat. Continue reading

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So You Think YOU’VE Had a Bad Roommate????!!!!!

Would you consider renting your room to my 18 year old son who works full time and is never home? He is clean, white, educated, mature . . . Continue reading

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MADAM BLOWSTERMAN: My Ex Pity Puppy!

I didn’t think it’d be so bad having a “boyfriend” who LEFT every time his mommy told him too! Who gave MY mommy gas money to go get me because HE didn’t feel like putting the miles on his stupid Acura!
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Fifty Shades of WHATEVER!

. Snowqueen’s Icedragon wrote FanFiction, she wasn’t exactly trying to be Jane Austen . . . yet somehow she’s become one of TIME Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People In the World? You almost have to applaud the bitch!
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WANTED: PROFESSIONAL PRINCESS!

How does 15 grand in three months sound? That’s FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, fifteen thousand smack-A-roos~ a hundred and fifty times a hundred, fifteen hundred times ten! I doubt I’ve ever made that much money in a whole year, yet now … Continue reading

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FOR EVERY GIRL WHO EVER ASKED: “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret . . .”

Now more than twenty years later, I am still thankful to the woman who first told me all boys are lying, sex obsessed, binocular holding, window peeping perverts who peed their pants all day!

THANK YOU, JUDY BLUME!
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