Ladies, this one is for you. There’s this guy you like; the hot waiter at a local restaurant, your sexy new coworker, that regular at the dive bar who simply must like you because he’s always flirting with you and buying you shots. For whatever reason, this perfect fellow has not asked you out yet and being a woman (the scheming, conniving creatures that we are), you want to know what you can do to get his attention, make sure he notices you. Maybe if you dress real cute, hang out where he is, keep reminding him how awesome you are he’ll realize he wants to date you? What can you do to speed this along? In a word?

NOTHING.

This sucks, I know. But it’s just the way it is and we have to deal with it. If a guy wants you, he will find you and nothing is going to stop him. You have to remember that men think they run the world . . . and we have to keep letting them think this! We can’t disrupt the power balance! Gloria Steinem messed up everything, with all her equality/ women’s liberation crap, she got us all confused! It’s the twenty first century and you are a strong, independent woman, you work hard for what you want and usually get it~ I know, I know. We’re every bit as good as men now, but here’s what Gloria Steinem didn’t know~ we were always as good as men and we always will be, but pssssst!

We cannot let them know this!

Men like to chase and we have to let them chase us, it’s the rules. I know it seems antiquated and outdated, what with women having become so damn accomplished over the last century, but it was us that changed. Not men. I’ve said before, we made Supreme Court, we went to space . . . but men? MEN? Men are just not evolving properly, that’s what it all boils down to. If a guy wants you, he will find you and nothing is going to stop him! They find it extremely gratifying to get what they want and if he wants you, you can be damn sure you will be pursued!

Let me guess. He gave you his number, he told you to call him . . . and you’re thinking about it. But come on~ you actually took it?

Never, ever trust a man who gives you his number instead of asking for yours! What a pansy! Either this is a guy who’s not really sure he likes you enough to ask for your number or this is a guy who gets a kick out of women calling him and pursuing him, a phone call from you makes him feel strong and powerful and desired~ not only are women interested in him, they’re actually taking time out of their busy schedules to call him! What a man he must be!

We cannot allow this! It’s throwing off the balance!

I know the game and I know it can be exasperating~ we just have to wait for them to decide they like us, for them to pick us? We have to look all cute and smile and shine up like a new penny so that some stupid MAN can pick us out of a line up and decide if he wants us?

Yes.

It was like that in the time of Shakespeare, in prehistoric times and hell, it’s even like that in the bible! It wasn’t up to Gloria Steinem to change this and it certainly isn’t up to us! Look at nature even! The male pursues the female in almost every single species! Sure, there may be an occasional Preying Mantis or Black Widow that will walk up to the male of her species and say, “Hey, baby . . . what’s your sign?”, but does the term sexual cannibalism mean anything to you? These males don’t live.

Who wants a man like that?

Now I don’t know about you, I want a man who goes after what he wants. If a guy doesn’t ask me out, to hell with him~ he was an idiot anyway. I won’t give him a second thought.

Try it. It’s liberating.