DOOM IS THE FUTURE!: A Commercial . . .

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about DOOM. What’s DOOM? Why, the dictionary defines it as: “Death, destruction, or some other terrible fate . . .” And you know what?

We’ve all been there. If we haven’t yet, we’ll get there sooner or later. Might as well just embrace it.

It’s actually liberating! You no longer have to live your lives in fear of messing up because guess what? You’re ultimately DOOMED anyway. . . and nothing is worse than DOOM!

Hold on there a minute, I know what you’re thinking: You’re thinking I’m a pessimist, that this is the most NEGATIVE thing you’ve ever heard, but you’re wrong: DOOM HAS SET ME FREE.

Now I’ve always known I was DOOMED in love and I have always accepted it- apparently I did something just awful in a past life and have since been sentenced to a lifetime of bad dates. So what? I *get* that, it used to bother me, but now? It’s like, whatever . . . If this is my fate, I’ll just roll with it. It’s fine. All my favorite couples were starcrossed in some way. Romeo and Juliet? Catherine and Heathcliff? Ross and Rachel? ALL DOOMED! And DOOMED LOVE is way better than the regular kind, ten times more romantic!

It just wasn’t meant to be.

Now THAT’S romance! People eat that crap up! Mismatched couples who can never be together for whatever reason make for a beautifully tragic and heart wrenching story, we’ve always known that! But guess what? DOOM is applicable in almost every aspect of your pathetic life! Can’t afford the bills? It’s DOOM. The milkman broke your heart? Doesn’t matter, you’re DOOMED anyway. Your truck broke down and your dog ran away? Now you could wallow a bit, stress and worry endlessly, maybe write a country song . . . OR you could think of it like this- none of that will do you in, none of that is the end!

The end is coming anyway.

Consider this: Nothing can ever really be that bad in comparison to DOOM. Nothing’s over til your DOOMED and you’re going to be DOOMED no matter what! So just live your live your lives wild eyed and stealing fire from gods . . .

There’s no way to get in good with the gods. They’re going to DOOM you anyway. May as well go crazy.

Godspeed.

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2 Responses to DOOM IS THE FUTURE!: A Commercial . . .

  1. Bri says:

    This whole thing read like the script for an INFOMERCIAL for DOOM . . . that’s what’s up with the title!

  2. Kelly says:

    Be doomed!

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